Fill Up The Tank

The exhaustion became more than I could handle.

No amount of yoga, water, coffee, sleep or veggies could cure it.

While standing on the side of the road waiting for my bus

I asked myself, "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

There is no reason for this self-imposed suffering,

the wailing, or the gnashing of teeth.

  When it comes down to it, I know why I do this - culture.

Even after years in Korea 

I still forget how easy it is to care for myself here.

When I get tired I fall back into old habits, 

buckling down and suffering through pain I could avoid.

Yesterday I called bullshit on myself.

Decided I'd had enough of my self imposed suffering.

I took my stupid self to Pyeongtaek, across for Del Vino, 

to the fifth floor beauty clinic and said,

"I'm tired.  Could I please have an IV."

After a 10 minute consultation, 

we chose the best solution for me:

a 40,000\ vitamin pack.

Thirty minutes later I was on my way.

Within hours I started to feel more normal,

last night I slept like a baby 

and this morning my face glows a little.

My muscles ache less, my head is more clear,

and my stomach doesn't hurt.

Does it solve all life's problems?

Not really, but close.

It sure has hell makes them more manageable.

If you are exhausted and getting sick a lot,

please just go get this. 

IV treatments are from 

40,000\ - 100,000\

and worth every penny.

Name: 강남뷰여성의원

Phone: 031-692-2789
Address: 경기도 평택시 평택동 292-6 3층
Naver Map: http://me2.do/GFEpa4KX

They have English consultants,

many English speakers go here.

You can also get affordable 

laser hair treatments,

facials, etc.

BREAKING NEWS

Pigs are flying.

Hell has frozen over.

These are facts.

How do I know this to be true?

Tonight, on the way home, 

after feeling just a little sick all day,

I had the compulsion to run.

So - calling my brains bluff - 

I tightened up my backpack,

tossed my scarify jauntily over my shoulder,

and I ran.

Not only did I run, 

but I ran easily

and for a long distance.

until finally I willed myself to stop.

Not because I was tired 

or physically uncomfortable,

but because the overt and disturbing strangeness of it all.

I don't run for the bus.

I distrust anyone who runs as a hobby. 

In fact,  I consider running to be on of my sister's few faults.

A person like me simple does not,

in any sense or shape,

 just suddenly become a runner.

Especially when they are looking 40 in it's smug little face.

It's just not natural.

So I pondered that maybe I had died,

or possibly there was a glitch in the matrix.

However, I still had a yearning for spaghetti 

so I wrote those options off as unlikely.

Still, the desire to run nipped at my heals.

I wanted to fly along the rice paddies,

like I used to fly across the tundra.

I fought it.

I wandered slowly

in a lazy pattern.

Yet, even as I bounded up my stairs

in anticipation of tonights coverage of arial bacon and a frozen hades,

my mind lingered outside in the cool autumn air.

I just wanted to feel my feet floating across the ground once again.

Cloak of Invisibility

When life is more then one can handle.

There is a safe place for me to hide in plain sight.

I close my eyes and disappear right in front of you.

Part of me wants to stay there, but it's just not in me to hide forever.  It's always just a matter of time.

And when that time comes,

instead of looking in the mirror,

I search inside myself for the things worth seeing.

Like an archeologist, I brush the dust away from the relics:

wit

humor

sarcasm

As pain is replaced by laughter my cloak slips slowly away.

Maybe I should go on complicated diets.

Maybe I should do self flagellating workouts.

Maybe I should make myself suffer for wanting to be invisible,

but I just can't commit to these things.

Sometimes being beautiful just isn't the most important thing.

Sometimes being fat is just what I need.

A safe place to hide until the storm clears.

A place to be left alone until I learn to smile again.

Sometimes a girl needs a cloak of invisibility.

Things Heat Up

Babies First Emergency Room

On Tuesday, after running a fever between 102-104 for three days,

I could feel my eyes and brain beginning to cook,

my body felt like it had every ounce of liquid squeezed out of it.

Plus, I hadn't been able to eat or drink in days.

The next stop on the train was most certainly kidney failure.

I called my head teacher and said, 

"Help."

Babies first IV, that she remembers.

 30 Minutes later I was plugged into IV's as they nervously tried to bring down my fever.  It took two rounds of treatments and lots of supplements before my body felt inclined to listen.  

After that I was admitted for 22 hours of IV's.

It's ALIVE!!!

My lungs were solid white masses on the x-rays.  

I had both a viral and fungal infection in my lungs.

They sounded like rice krispies.

Snap. Crackle. Pop.

However, thanks to Korean health care

the entire crisis was only physically terrifying...

not financially. 

Shake It Baby, Shake It

Tonight was the first night of k-pop dance class.

I've tried on every Flash Dance in my closet.

It's all in the outfit.

After an hour of stomping around like Godzilla

and running over Koreans in every direction -

in what looked like an episode of I Love Lucy -

there was only one thing to do...

walk out the door, 

across the street,

and eat my body weight in jelly filled street donuts.

I feel thinner already.

Bloody Hell

For nearly two months now my nose bleeds

have grown worse and worse.

Now I am waking in pools of my own blood.

It's less fun then it sounds.

(cleaned it up a bit to make it less scary)

 

 Things I will be changing:

More protein

More veggies

More water

Humidifier

Bow. Wow!

It hit me recently, I'm going to have to:

A) sit on the floor

B) bow

I decided I don't want it to be a laughing matter - I mean it's no laughing matter.

So... I'm in training.

Wish me luck!